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I really don’t know how to say this any other way. My dog decided to talk to me the other night and he had a lot to say.
It initially played like any other night really. Once again, I was tossing and turning, in and out of sleep. I was half awake, mulling over my job situation: I want to make money writing but I need an income more. Then the most bizarre thing happened.
“Hey human Bob! This is your best friend speaking! Wake up!”
Who the hell was that? It was a deep, low voice; strong and certain with a hint of a bourbon induced slur. Sounded like Dean Martin actually. I immediately sat up. It was pitch black. The radio clock blurred 3:53 in a dull crimson light. All I could make out was the shadowy outline of Parker, my trusty beagle, sitting upright at my feet.
“Hey boy, did you hear that?” I whispered instinctively. “Someone’s in the house.”
My vision was starting to warm up to the darkness. Parker just stared back at me, his head tilted, his long ears hanging to the side of his head like hand towels on a wall. He turned his head to the bedroom doorway, lifted his nose to the night and sniffed. He turned back to face me.
“Don’t think so.”
I swore Parker spoke but it couldn’t be. I mean his hound drawn lips seemed to move to the words I heard but that was impossible.
“Who’s there?” I yelled into the night. “Whoever it is, I am warning you that I am at this moment retrieving my loaded double-barrel twelve gauge from under the bed. I will shoot you. So leave now and I want to hear the door slam behind you.”
I made some dumb noises in a lame attempt to fool the intruder into believing what I had just proclaimed. I took the ruse to the next level.
“Okay. I’m fully armed and about to call 911 from my fully powered cell phone. Oh yeah, strong signal, four bars. Oh yeah, this is going to be a very clear 911 call.”
“You’re breaking me up. Put the phone down human Bob.”
It was Parker talking. I was certain of it. Nah, it had to be a sick trick.
“Okay, good one Steve. You wired up the dog with a little speaker. Very funny.”
My brother Steve was known to go to great lengths to pull off pranks. But I was pretty sure he was at his apartment in the city, sixty miles away, God knows doing what, and at 48 years old, unlikely to suddenly bother me with a prank—it had been 25 years since his last one. But the mind scrambles to the most implausible scenarios when so duly challenged.
“Don’t think so. Nope it’s me, Parker,” the dog mumbled.
I was positive he spoke again. By now I was sitting straight up, leaning towards him. He just sat there and looked at me with those big dark eyes. His poker face was on.
“Parker? Are you talking to me?”
“Well I’m not talking to myself.”
I leaned back against the headboard. He yawned.
“This can’t be. I’ve got to stop watching Animal Planet.”
“Listen, I’ve got something to say and I’m not sure how long this talking stuff is going to work so …”
“You are talking!” I interrupted incredulously.
“Should you want I bow wow?”
“Holy cow! Parker you are talking.”
“Yup. But I’m not sure for how long. So can I say a few things before …”
“I can’t believe this.”
“Yeah I know. Either can I but if you don’t mind.”
I looked at him with a giant smile plastered across my face. Parker can talk. The dog was talking. Who was I kidding? It had to be a prank. He continued.
“I’ve been listening to a lot of that talk radio and that C-SPAN channel you watch while you write. I’m here to tell ya I don’t like what I’m hearing.”
“You’re kidding me right?”
“Afraid not.”
Oh this was good. I was really hallucinating. Talk-shmalk, I had a few nagging questions of my own.
“Hey, can I ask you something before you get to your stuff?”
“Make it quick. I haven’t got all night.”
“You like smell things a hundred times more than we do, right?”
“Four hundred.”
“Okay, four hundred. Wow! Then I really wonder about this.”
“Yeah I know. Why do we like to sniff every morsel of excrement or yellow patch of urine we encounter on our walks?”
“Now that you bring it up, yeah, why? It must smell like the inside of Dick Cheney’s or Ted Kennedy’s septic tank? And you know how much crap they’re filled with.”
“That was a funny one human Bob. But it isn’t like what you smell. We pick up a lot more notes. It’s a broader pallet if you will. We don’t smell stink. We smell identity, mood, and illness. For instance, you know that crazy cairn terrier down the street?”
“Yeah.”
“She has stomach cancer and her humans don’t have a clue.”
“You are kidding me?”
“She probably has less than six months if they don’t get her to a vet soon.” He paused to lick his right front paw. “Yeah, and another thing. Don’t take me out at nights for awhile.”
“Why?”
“Cause there is a rabid possum living under the porch. That’s why.”
“You know this from the smell of possum poop?”
“Excrement.”
“Whatever.”
“Yup.” Parker yawned as if bored. “So is that it? Can I say what I need to say?”
“Well there is that thing you do with that licking your, you know, your …”
“Penis?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Jealous are we?”
“Well, it’s just that …”
“It’s all about keeping clean. Nothing pleasurable if that’s what you’re driving at. Nothing like what you do with your hand. By the way, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t pet me afterwards. Nope, no pleasure; it’s all business. You made sure of that when you had me “fixed”, remember. Thank you very much.”
“Oh yeah, sorry about that. I had no idea you knew any different.”
“No idea my butt. I’ll ‘no idea’ ya.” He paused again to lick his right paw again and then continued. “But I don’t hold it against you. We don’t hold grudges. Heck, if we did, we would have mauled most humans dead by now. Which brings me to why I am talking to you.”
“No grudges. Really? I mean that “fixing” stuff is pretty serious. That’s pretty good if that doesn’t bother you.”
“You done? Can I get to my concern?”
“Sure. Sorry. Go ahead.”
“How can humans be so smart supposedly, while they single handedly are destroying the Earth?”
“You mean global warming?”
“It’s more than that. It’s the air. It’s the water. It’s the dirt. It’s the forests. It’s the killing. It’s the anger. It’s the hate. It’s the grudges. It’s the fear. It’s everything.”
“Oh come on. You’re being a little dramatic.”
“We don’t know dramatic.”
“Well give me examples of what you mean.”
“First of all, the air is filled with danger. Dogs, cats, birds, animals of all kinds can smell it. It is our biggest topic when we get together.”
“I don’t smell a thing.”
“Yeah, that’s part of the problem. And you can’t taste the troubled water either.”
“Scientists don’t seem to be complaining. So I should be listening to a dog?”
“We have no agenda. Dogs call it as they smell it.”
“ ‘call it as they smell it’; I’m suppose to just accept that?”
“Yeah, there is a lot you should just accept.”
“Oh yeah, like what else?”
“Well, and here is what I think is the crux of the problem, you keep choosing the wrong alpha humans.”
“What?”
“You’ve got this alpha thing all wrong. Just because animals order their packs based on physical size and strength doesn’t make it so for humans. We do it because we are simple. You do it because you are thoughtless. That’s what we, and I think it is fair to say I am speaking for all animals, don’t get. Humans are able to think things through. But they never do. Well, that’s not completely true; some have but they are mocked or marginalized.
An alpha dog barks and gets all puffy, like that wacky shepherd Sarge from around the block. The worst he can do is break out of his electronic fence and charge one of us. But you humans take it up a notch.”
“Can you give me a for instance?”
“God there are so many. Let me see. Okay, you’ve elected a president who pounds his chest and walks around like a gorilla with its arms all out to the side, all tough and all, carrying on with ‘bring it on’. When he jumps the fence, he brings tanks and bombs and humans loaded down in weapons and in body armor. Meanwhile, you have alpha males all over the place, flexing their muscle in their packs, threatening to obtain nuclear weapons, the great equalizer, giving the president one excuse after another to hop the fence. It’s nuts. And I for one am telling you, you’ve got it all wrong.”
“Well, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything. Just start picking the right alpha humans; humans whose visions see beyond fighting, whose hearts hold no grudges, whose thoughts and reasons are not the products of testosterone, whose collective knowledge is rooted in the concept that true peace is never the consequence of war but the outcome of constant learning, negotiating and adjusting.”
“This is what you want to tell me? Nothin’ for nothin’ but it’s a little heavy for a little chat with a dog at 3:30 in the morning.”
“In a nut shell, yeah.”
It was hard to accept this from my beagle. I mean, he’s a dog; a sleeping, eating, sniffing, crapping dog. I was chalking this whole episode up to stress. I was apparently snapping.
“That’s it. I’m pretty much done. Just one last thing while I have the chance.”
“What? World hunger? String theory?” I asked sarcastically.
“You get the right alpha humans and the world hunger thing will take care of itself, smart ass. As far as string theory, who do you think I am, Hawking? I’m just a dog. No it’s more pedestrian than that, something I think you can manage.”
“Then what, already?” I asked impatiently.
“You know that thing you do occasionally where you empty the dish washer in the buff.”
“Ummm … yeah I guess.”
“Put some clothes on. It’s disturbing. I’m beggin’ ya, please!”
“All right, but only if you lick your privates in private.”
“I’ll see what I can do. No promises.”
“So this is it? No more talking? You know we could make a fortune on Letterman with his stupid pet tricks.”
“It’ll never happen. You see, this is a one time deal. Not sure why or how this is happening. Maybe that God guy is involved somehow. All I know is that when it is done, it is …” He abruptly stopped talking.
“Parker?”
Not a grunt. He yawned and as he did he stretched his front legs out and spread across the foot of the bed, his ears resting flat on the blanket.
“Parker … are you done? Is that it?”
He slowly closed his eyes and floated off to sleep.
“Parker … just like that?”
He began to twitch; in hot pursuit of a fox I imagined.
“Holy smokes. I must be dreaming myself.”
I curled back down under the safety of my covers, scratched my butt and thought about the conversation I had just had with Parker or myself or both. I sniffed the air. It smelled fine to me. What the heck was he talking about, ‘danger in the air’? It had to be a dream.
As I drifted off to sleep, I thought about getting a real job real soon, apparently this writing stuff was getting the best of me. I also made a point to remember to talk to the owners of that crazy cairn terrier. I thought it was the least I could do. One can’t be too dismissive of the unexplainable these days.
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Iodine was discovered in burnt sea weed in 1811 by B. Courtois, and isolated in 1819 by Fyfe. It was fond in 1896 by E. Baumann that the thyroid gland was very rich in Iodine when compared with the other tissues. Iodine was one of the first minerals recognized as vital for good health. Iodine is am important trace element for healthy thyroid gland, which kills harmful germs, makes up it own hormone (thyroxin) and rebuilds energy. It is required for the synthesis of the thyroxin hormones-thyroxin and triodothyronine. It is present in the secretions of thyroid gland.
Iodine is grayish black in colour, and gives corrosive fumes of a rich violet colour on heating.
Recommended Daily Allowance: The RDA IS 80 mcg for children and 150 mcg for adults. The requirement for growing children, pregnant and lactating women is more. Excess of Iodine will cause nasal moisture.
Dietary Sources: Iodine is available in traces in water, food, common salts. It is very rarely found in high mountains and altitudes. Iodine found in sea-water is 0.2 mg per litre. Sea weeds and spongy shells are very rich in Iodine. The best sources are sea fish, ser salt, green vegetables and leaves like spinach grown on iodine rich soil. The common sources are milk, meat, and cereals. About 90% of the Iodine intake is obtained from the food consumed, and the remainder from the water. Common salt fortified with small quantities of sodium or potassium iodate is now compulsorily made available in the market as Iodised Salt to check goitre. Iodised poppyseed oil is also used where salt iodisation is not possible.
Rice sources of Iodine in mcg per 100 gm of edible portion of food: Egg-9, Spinach-20, Sea foods-30 to 300, Iodised salt-7600.
Certain vegetables like cabbage, cauliflower and radish contain glucosinolates (thiogluosides) which are potential goitrogens. Eating too much of these foods inhibit the availability of Iodine to the body from the food and thus lead to development of goitre. Consumption of water containing chlorine will also have Iodine lost of the body.
Functions in the Body: Dietary organic Iodine taken by mouth is readily absorbed from the gastro-intestinal tract into the blood. The iodine metabolism is controlled by thyroid. Iodine is an essential life. The total quantity in body is 25 mg, and half of it is in the thyroid as thyroglobulin, a complex of protein and iodine. About 30% is removed by the thyroid gland for the synthesis of the thyroid hormone, thyroxin, and the rest is excreted by the kidneys. Its concentration in thyroid gland is very high as compared to that in muscles and blood.
Iodine is present in blood as inorganic iodine in the plasma and corpuscles and varies from 0.5-1.0 mcg per 100 ml. And also as bound iodine-Thyroxine and tri-iodothyronine in the plasma in combination with alpha-globulin. It is called protein-bound iodine and is 5-8 mcg per 100 ml.
Thyroxin, the thyroid hormone, controls the basic metabolism and oxygen consumption of tissues. It controls the utilization of sugars. It regulates the rate of energy production, and promotes proper growth. Iodine reduces tension, keeps body and mind calm, and keeps skin, hair, teeth, nail etc in healthy condition and form. Iodine helps in the chemical synthesis of cholesterol, thus checking its build up in arteries. Extra fat in the body is also burnt by Iodine. It increases the heart rate as well as urinary calcium excretion.
Deficiency Indicators: When the amount of the thyroid hormone in the serum is decreased, the pituitary gland releases a thyroid-stimulating-hormone (TSH) which causes the thyroid gland to produce more cells and to increase in size in an attempt to manufacture more hormones. This leads to enlargement of thyroid gland known as simple goitre, and swelling of feet or toes, enlarged glands, excessive hunger, neuralgic pains in the heart etc. Other may show signs of slowed reflexes, deafness, and poor learning. Iodine deficiency or total loss will affect our mental and physical activity, obesity, and hardening of blood vessels. A dietary lack of iodine may cause anemia, tireness, laziness, loss of interest in sex, a slow pulse, low blood pressure, and high blood cholesterol/triglyceride leading to heart disease.
Among children where diet lacks in iodine, cretin-a dwarfed child with mental retardation, enlarged thyroid gland, defective speech, and clumsy gait is created. His skin is rough, and hair sparse, with brittle nails, bad teeth, and anaemic. More on Iodine Benefits, Dosage, Deficiency, Sources
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For a few men the arrival of middle age brings with it increasing urinary difficulty caused by an enlargement of the prostate gland. Instances of urinary difficulty increase with age so that by the time that most men reach retirement there's a better than 50/50 change they'll be experiencing difficulties and, if they're lucky enough to reach the age of 80, then they'll almost certainly run into difficulty as prostate problems affect about 90% of the male population by this age.
While enlargement of the prostate is extremely common it is also a benign condition that is confined to the prostate gland and for many men it will develop very slowly over a period of years. There are a variety of symptoms, almost all associated with problems in passing water, and these can range from the quite mild which are really not too bothersome and which you can certainly live with as just another sign of the ageing process, to more severe symptoms which are sufficiently annoying to warrant treatment.
In addition to the common problem of an enlarged prostate, which will affect almost all men at some point, a significant number of men will also develop prostate cancer which, while it starts life in the prostate gland, can eventually spread throughout the body and is an extremely dangerous condition and the second most common form of cancer death in the United States today.
An enlarged prostate and prostate cancer are two quite separate conditions and, despite what you may have heard, an enlarged prostate does not cause prostate cancer. The two conditions can however exist side-by-side and one problem with prostate cancer is that the symptoms of an enlarged prostate can mask the presence of a growing cancer.
The first step therefore is to call in and see your doctor as soon as you start to experience any sort of problems passing water and get him to establish the root of the problem.
If you consult your doctor at the first sign of trouble and he diagnoses prostate cancer then it is very likely to be at early stage of development and confined to the prostate gland, in which case your doctor will almost certainly suggest prostate surgery. In this particular case, unless there is a very good reason why you should not have surgery (such as the presence of other medical conditions that you place you at risk from surgery) then the answer to whether or not you should have prostate surgery is invariably going to be "yes".
There can be no question that the best way to deal with cancer is to remove it altogether and, when it is confined to the prostate gland, the easiest and best way to do that is to have it surgically removed.
If, however, your doctor diagnoses nothing more than an enlarged prostate the question of whether or not you should have surgery become a bit more complicated and you will need to discuss your options with your doctor.
There are a range of treatments available for an enlarged prostate including drug therapy and non-surgical treatments, as well as several different surgical treatments and each has its own advantages, disadvantage and risks.
The major difference in the case of an enlarged prostate is that the vast majority of treatments are not designed to cure the problem but are aimed at reducing symptoms so that it does not unduly interfere with your quality of life.
The question of whether or not you should have prostate surgery is very much dependent upon the cause of your problems. If you have prostate cancer and prostate surgery is the recommended option then, unless there is a good reason for deciding otherwise, you should almost certainly accept your doctor's recommendation. If, however, prostate surgery is being considered for an enlarged prostate, then there will be a range of other options open to you and you will need to make a very personal decision, in consultation with your doctor, about whether or not prostate surgery is the choice you feel would be most appropriate.
