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The following is from the beginning of a short story by the same title. Read “Author Bio” to learn more.
****
I was recently doing a search in Google to find a website that would confirm my suspicions about a Tele-huckster—a pet peeve of mine to which I am hopelessly addicted. One thing led to another and, yada yada yada, before I knew it, my flat screen monitor began flashing a string of sexually explicit pictures in brilliant pulsating color. It was an X-rated pop-up extravaganza; one I was unable to keep up with. I clicked frantically trying to close one close-up invasion after another. The bombardment continued on until it ran its course, eventually reaching some kind of worldwide web adult abyss that even the internet could not crawl below.
As I cleaned up the dirty debris I so innocently spilled—well maybe not that innocently—I was struck by my good fortune. Thankfully, the internet came along decades after my early teen years. Had this stuff been around in the Sixties, I might still be squirreled away in my attic room to this day, trimming the hair on my palms while mumbling incoherently to my seeing-eye dog.
On the other hand, learning the whereabouts, general appearance and overall purpose of female parts would have been a heck of a lot easier, not to mention more timely. Instead, my sex education was really the collective result of a hit or miss operation. At the time it was torture, but I don’t know, there was something funny about it too. And it all started at my local summer recreation center, Carteret Park ...
****
“What did Roy Rogers say to Dale Evans in the bedroom when the lights went out?” Mud Finnegan asked a rapt group of adolescent boys sitting around a long wooden table at our local summer hangout, Carteret Park. He was about twelve years old, a year older than I and several years older than most of the kids sitting on the benches—that was age-wise but he seemed a generation older than all us in every other way.
Mud looked around, working the table like a seasoned Catskill comedian. No one dared answered his question because it really wasn’t a question at all. It was an obvious lead-in to the punch line of another classic dirty joke; besides, no one had a clue as to the possible answer—no one that is except Moon Muller.
“I know!” Moon yelped in a lame attempt to impress the guys, as if he was really in the know.
“Shut up! You don’t know crap!” Fitzy snapped back, warning that one of his patented headlocks might be coming Moon’s way if he didn’t keep his big trap shut.
“Do too!” Moon fired back in a surprising show of bravado.
“Are you two f’in jerk-offs through?” Mud, as only Mud could do, used the “F” word with a certain artistic flair. He painted masterpieces with four letter words no differently than Monet did with colors from a pallet. Having regained the attention of his fickle audience, he continued to close the deal.
“Do you f'in dick heads wanna hear the f’in joke or doncha?” His eyes got wide and kind of crazy looking, one eyebrow climbing higher than the other. Of course, we wanted to hear. Everyone settled down. He waited a moment, knowing timing was everything; then, delivered the goods.
“I’ll turn on my flashlight if you turn on your headlights.”
A flash of universal vacant thought swept across the sea of open jawed faces, like the eerie stillness before a tornado strikes, as our feeble brains scrambled to “get it”. Then, as if prompted by an audience monitor, an explosion of rip-roaring, doubled-over laughter swept around the table. Ah … Mud sure could bring it home. Making it all the more incredulous was that most of us struggled to understand the punch-line. But we knew enough to laugh because that always bought us time to figure it out.
Mud proudly acknowledged his success with a wide grin, while he waited for us to wipe the tears from our eyes, boogers from our noses and drool from our chins. He was on top of his game. Being the veteran performer he was, he launched into an encore with another doozey about some lost traveler asking some guy who is with a woman how far is “The Old Log Inn”; you can guess the answer. Another eruption of roaring, clueless laughter followed. Another tidbit of carnal information revealed.
That was my introductory class to sex education in the Sixties. We weren’t taught concepts like “private parts”, and never heard of or cared much for formal words like “penis” or “breast” or “vagina”. Our language was narrow and practical; “logs” or “rods” and “headlights” or “cams” were all we knew or needed know to communicate with each other. Regarding “vagina”, only a few guys with older sisters had even the slightest notion of what that might be; most of us were under the delusion that girls had simply broken their logs off at birth; possibly by accident or through carelessness.
So all we had were Mud’s dirty jokes, and embellished stories of older sisters spied on or caught in some state of undress. It was all a forewarning of things to come. I mean we understood the direct symbolism of certain words to body parts and innately found the sophomoric humor in using such imagery in the context of a joke. But underneath it all we started to sense that there was more to this than met the eye, something sinister.
As we’d soon come to discover, there sure was!
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Once you will learn how to find the G-spot with your lady partner, and with the use of appropriate sexual positions to stimulate it, you can give her mind blowing orgasms time after time.
But what is this G-spot, where it is located, and how will you know that you have really found it?
A German doctor (a gynecologist) Ernst Graftenburg is the discoverer, which is why it’s called the “G” spot. The G-spot is an area inside the vagina, on its front wall. Strangely enough, this area can be stimulated by constant pressure and it often ends up in an orgasm. It’s not difficult to locate, as it corresponds directly to the area where the urethra is closest to the top of the vaginal wall.
The G-spot does vary from woman to woman, so you will need to follow the directions below to locate it exactly.
Using well lubricated two fingers, insert them carefully inside your partner’s vagina, touching the top of the vaginal wall. You will feel somewhere a lattice-work of muscle tissue and in that tissue is the G-spot. Be very careful how you touch it; do not hurt your partner! Too little pressure and your partner will be meaningless, while too much pressure and she will cause an unpleasant pain.
Now that you have located it (you partner will gladly confirm to you that you have) see these three methods to use to pleasure your partner.
•A very good method to stimulate the G-spot is while performing cunnilingus. Insert two well lubricated fingers and apply a steady and firm (but not rough) pressure to the G-spot. You can be very sure that after 20 minutes of cunnilingus, and pressure to the G-spot, your partner will experience a steady and profound orgasm.
•The second natural way to stimulate the G-spot is by intercourse. The man will lie on his back and woman will mount on top, facing the man. The beauty of this position is that the man should do nothing at all, only have an erection. The woman move till she finds the G-spot herself, and she will apply just the correct pressure, using the man’s erect penis. Orgasm quickly follows.
•Another sure sexual position to stimulate the G-spot is a modified missionary, of sorts. In this position, the woman will lie on her back, and the man faces her, sitting on his thighs. The woman now places her feet on the man’s chest with her legs apart. At this point the man will penetrate the woman, but does not move or thrust. He will just lean back a bit, insuring his penis is firmly touching the vaginal wall. The woman can move if she wishes to adjust the pressure. As it in position, the man’s penis will be tilting upwards pressing directly against the G-spot. Not long after the woman will experience a strong orgasm, as the clitoris is also stimulated.
Stimulation of the G-spot one is accomplished by intense and constant localized pressure. Thrusting is not so effective as constant and strong pressure to the G-spot itself. Once learned, both partners will seek to return to its stimulation again and again.
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The next problem is that most small online business owners usually have little money and not a lot of time to generate traffic and visitors to their site.... Many of them spend 6-8 hours every day just trying to generate some traffic to their site, product or service. And, at the end of each month, because nothing they seem to try ever works very well, they find themselves no better off than they were the month before. It doesn't take them long to realize what a big waste of time doing it that way really is.
What we want to share with you today is one of the 'smartest' ways to generate an unlimited number of visitors to almost any site. It doesn't matter whether you are promoting a product, a service, a business opportunity or a content site. It doesn't matter how much your product costs ... It doesn't even matter if you are promoting your own products or someone elses via an affiliate program. If you want to promote ... need extra traffic or visitors ... want to increase your sales and monthly income, while automating 98% of it all - then keep reading.
And while we can't cover ALL the different methods here, we would like to reveal 3 or 4 that we have found to be extremely inexpensive, relatively untapped, that have huge potential in bringing qualified traffic to your website. And, even more importantly ... regardless of whether you want 10,000 or 1,000,000 visitors, they only take about 30 minutes to set in motion! Why would you pay a lead-generation company $3 to $5 or more PER lead when you can generate your own at a fraction of the cost?
So now instead of spending your entire day and your entire bank account trying to generate traffic to your site, what we are about to reveal should have you spending your time on more important things - like developing new products, growing your business, golfing, or whatever else it is that you really want to do.
Isn't that the whole point of having your own web business ... so you can have more time and freedom to enjoy life and do as you wish? Wouldn't you agree, it's much better to spend 30 minutes or less on promotions, and to have the entire process automated? That's the difference between working SMART, and working HARD! You don't want to work HARD do you?
The first thing we need you to know is that all website traffic is not created equal. There are plenty of sources out there and we can't speak for them all. However, we do use the traffic methods we mention below to successfully generate traffic and qualified leads to our business. And, as well as ones not mentioned below, they continue to work successfully to promote these types of online businesses with consistant success:
Business Opportunities
Network Marketing/MLM
Franchise Opportunties
Work-at-home programs
Credit Cards/Repair
Personal Finance
Insurance offers
Investment sites
Computers, Software, etc
Education, Jobs/Career
"Free Stuff", Coupons, etc
Internet/Web Services
Shopping, Gifts, etc
Sports/Sporting Goods
Travel, Cars, Outdoors
Pets, Hobbies, etc
Mens/Womens Health
Dieting, Fitness, etc
Cooking, Gardening, etc
Home Improvement
Online Casinos sites
Joke and Humor sites
Online Games, Chat, etc
Music, Sports, Movies, etc
Pets, Hobbies, etc
The traffic generation methods we are talking about are Pop-Ups, Pop-Unders, Keyword Targeted Pop-Unders, Expired Domain Traffic, AUDIO is OK traffic, and the different targeting platforms that can make them even more effective in promoting your business.
It is important to note that these traffic generation methods are NOT spam advertising. All websites these methods take place with, have opted in to allow this to happen, are payed well to do so, and, there are tens of thousands of them participating).
Let's start by taking a quick look at POP-UPS. I'm positive you've experienced "Pop-Ups" while surfing online. Pop-Ups are the irritating windows that suddenly "pop" out of nowhere, in front of what you were reading, interrupting what you are doing. We aren't going to spend a lot of time talking about Pop-Ups. They tend to get a lot of bad press; most people have software installed and most ISPs have blocking devices in place to eliminate them these day, which makes them not as popular a means of generating traffic. Nevertheless, because they are usually slightly cheaper than the other methods, some people still buy them in large quantities and use them to pull a small, but converting quantity of traffic to their websites.
We want to spend more time talking about the other 3 types of promotion methods today. , and we will go next to the traffic method called Pop-Unders.
POP-UNDERS - are pretty much what the name sounds like. The big difference between them and Pop-UPs is that Pop-Unders load **under** the current browser window. Because of that, they tend to not be as bothersome or interrupting to the web surfers as Pop-Ups. 99% of the time the web surfer doesn't even know the Pop-Under site is there until they move or close their main window, so they aren't in a "bad mood", from being interrupted, when they do see it. When you advertise your site with "Pop-Unders", your site is loaded behind another website that someone has just arrived at or left. Once the person closes off that particular site they then see yours, hence the name "pop-under". This is obviously a very cost effective way to have your site seen by thousands or even millions of people.
Obviously this type of advertising, as with most others has its pros and cons. The pro being people WILL see your site by the thousands and the cost is extremely low. The con being most people will close the pop-under without bothering to browse your website. That is a fact you have to be aware of. You are NOT going to see conversion rates of 10% or anything like that ... far from it. However, you can make a small fortune even with a horrible conversion ratio. This form of traffic generation is so cost-effective that even if you only get 1 sale out of every 10,000 Pop-Unders you're still a head of the game!
Let me say this another way, because this is the key and you really need to understand this. Quite truthfully, from a response ratio standpoint, Pop-Unders aren't choice #1, however, because they are so inexpensive, they can be one of the BEST ways to promote your site from an ROI (return on investment) standpoint, and that's what matters!
Pop-Unders are quite a popular means of generating traffic, especially since they can be targeted by topic into almost any specific niche your website fits into. For example, if you have a sports website, it can be targeted to "appear" behind sports websites. Or, if you have a casino site, it can be targeted to load behind casino websites. It's obvious that only the visitors who are actually interested in those topics, would be looking at that niche site in the first place, right?
Here are some of the many categories that can be targeted:
Advertising Media - Agriculture - Animals - Antiques - Arts - Associations - Astronomy - Auctions - Auto Rental - Autos - Babies - Bathroom - Beauty - Bicycles - Boats - Books - Bridal - Building - Business - Camping - Candles - Candy & Confectionery - Cellular Phones - Cellular Service - Career Counselling - Car Audio - Charity - Chatrooms - Christian - Cigarettes - Cigars - Childrens Products - Clip art - Clocks & Watches - Clothes - Collectibles - College - College Nightlife - College Students - Comics - Computer Advice - Computer Memory - Computer Peripherals - Computer Programming - Computer Related - Computer Software - Computer Virus - Consumer Electronics - Conventions - Cooking - Cosmetics & Perfume - Costumes & Uniforms - Crafts & Craft Making - Credit Cards - Dance - Debt Consolidation - Diet - Domain Names - Education - Employment - Entertainment - Exhibitions & Conventions - Eye Care - Fabrics - Family - Farming - Fashion - Fashion for Men - Fashion for Women - Finance - Fishing - Fitness - Flights - Flooring - Flowers - Food & Beverage - Free Stuff - Friends & People - Furniture - Games - Games for Consoles - Games for PC - Gardening - Genealogy - Geography - Gifts - Golf - Government - Hair - Handbags - Health - Health for Men - Health for Women - High Tech - Home Business - Home Electronics - Horoscopes & Astrology - Horses - Hotels - Humour & Fun - Income Opportunities - Industry - Information - Insurance & Banking - Internet Services - Investment - Jewellery - Jobs & Career Counselling - Kids Activities - Kitchen - Language - Law & Law Enforcement - Liquor & Alcohol - Loans - Magazines - Maps - Marketing for Internet - Marketing non-Internet - Media - Miscellaneous - MLM - Money Making - Mortgages - Motorcycles - Movies & Films - Music/MP3 - Musical Instruments - Nature & Animals - News - Office Supplies - Organizations - Personal Advice - Personal Computers - Personal Homepage - Pest Control - Pets - Photography - Posters - Printers & Supplies - Property (Commercial) - Property (Residential) - Real Estate - Religion - Safety & Security - Sales - Science - Seniors & Retirement - Services - Shoes & Foot Products - Shopping - Skateboards - Smoking & Tobacco Products - Software - Sports - Tax - Tea & Coffee - Telephones & Service - Television & Satellite TV - Tickets - Top Web Sites - Toys - Training - Transportation - Travel & Tourism - Trivia - Vitamins - Web Design - Web Hosting - Web Resources - Webmasters -Wedding/Marriage - Adult Casino - Adult Movies - Adult Toys - Gay - Live Webcams - Match Making/Dating - Paysites - Paysites Amateurs - Paysites Hardcore - Paysites Interracial - Paysites Softcore - Paysites Teens - Penis Enlargement - Shopping - TGP - Untargeted Adult - Webmasters - Adult Casino - Free Games - Horse & Dog Racing - Premium Casino - Sports Betting - Untargeted Gambling.
There are some limitations to using POP-traffic that you should be aware of. You will find that most traffic resellers state these limitations in their Terms and Conditions; in clear view on their websites:
No other window of any type can be spawned internal or external of the target URL. The sites you submit may not contain any pop window (i.e exit pages, java pops, pop-ins, fly-ins, pop-unders, etc.).
No redirectors, scripts that change the home page settings, message boxes, download boxes, are NOT allowed
no hate/illegal/adult--All PG rated content.
No warez, virus, trojan, auto-downloads, framebreakers, or browser-altering allowed.
NO SOUND/NOISE on the page you are targeting.
Before they start a campaign for you, they thoroughly check to see if any of these "traps" are on the site, and they do refuse service to any sites they determine are inappropriate for their network.
Now while banning the presence of most of these "traps" listed above are valid, the NO sound/noise and the NO pop-up/under limitations that most traffic resellers enforce do stop A LOT of website businesses from using POP-traffic.
Now there's a solution. AUDIO is OKAY! is a **new** mainstream form of traffic that ALLOWS you to have audio/sound and/or 1 Pop-Up or Pop-Under on your website's front page. What this means is that a lot of website businesses that have state-of-the-art movies, talking, or music presentations that start automatically on their front webpages, can now buy and use POP-traffic to generate visitors! This is new and this is in demand!
Website promotion specialists can use POP-traffic to expose your business to millions of users with the most cost effective packages. They can deliver guaranteed visitors directly to your website 24/7. Whether you are looking to establish a presence on the Internet, or are just interested in branding your site, they can be your very own online advertising solution.
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Every day, thousands of women undergo breast augmentation, or breast enlargement, surgery. Surprisingly, many women who undergo breast augmentation surgery do not fully consider all the issues involved with the procedure and its effects on their lives.
If you are considering breast enlargement, one of the most important issues in making your decision should be if you are doing this for yourself. “I am constantly amazed at the number of women who come into my office, not because they want to make the change but because their boyfriend or husband would prefer larger breasts,” says Dr. Miguel Delgado, a plastic surgeon in San Francisco, California.
Our society places a great emphasis on personal appearance. Breast augmentation is a permanent decision that, although it can change your life, should be considered only if your expectations are realistic. Breast enlargement will not completely change your life or make you a different person. Breast enlargement, however, can enhance your curves and physical appearance, especially if you have had children.
The best candidates for breast enlargement are emotionally mature women who desire larger, shapelier breasts. A common reason to undergo the procedure is that the breasts are asymmetric, usually where one breast is noticeably smaller than the other. Breast enlargement can bring the undersized breast into balance with the larger.
Breast augmentation surgery will leave a scar. An experienced cosmetic surgeon will be able to minimize this scarring, but it can not be completely eliminated. If you are considering breast enlargement surgery, you and your surgeon will discuss where the implant should be placed and, consequently, where the scar will be located. This is most often located in the armpit, around the nipple, or at the base of the breast.
Another consideration is the implant itself. Saline implants can be round, moderate, or high profile. The surface of the implant can be smooth, textured, or a “teardrop” with a textured surface.
Many women who undergo breast enlargement surgery choose to have a breast lift at the same time. This will obviously be more expensive, however most women find that undergoing the two procedures together produces fantastic results.
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Your grandma just left you an oil painting and you need a few copies; one for appraisal purposes and two for your siblings who would love to have a copy, too. A trip to the professional photographer involves a set up fee, print cost, and a negative that is unavailable for sale. The painting is too big for a flat bed scanner so digital copies are not feasible. One solution is to copy it yourself.
A good 35mm SLR camera with a normal lens will probably focus to two and one half feet. Even better is a six or eight megapixel DSLR or EVF camera. Use an ISO setting of 100 or slower. Critical is the correct use of lighting. Allowing the surface texture to show in your copies prevents displaying the true color and values of the picture. Ideally, two identical incandescent lamps in reflectors angled at forty-five degrees will minimize surface reflections. Place the painting vertically and line up the camera on a tripod exactly perpendicular to the painting. An alternative is to use the sun at a forty to fifty degree angle. Any other unbalanced source (single) is to be avoided.
Fill the view finder to about 80% of the viewfinder and check to see that all edges are parallel. The circle of light cast by the lamps determines the distance from the lights to the picture. Make sure all of the painting surface is evenly lit. Use an 80B filter with outdoor film or set your digital white balance at incandescent. A filter is not needed if electronic flash is the source of light. Electronic flash must be metered with a flash meter or calculated using the guide on the back of the flash. Equalize the distance from each flash to the center of the painting and aim the center of the cone of light at the furthest edge of the painting. Bracket your exposure one stop over and under the recommended F stop. F8 or F11 are the sharpest F stops.
The resulting proofs are NOT a good guide to choosing the negative with the best quality. If a digital camera was used then print a small test picture before making the enlargement. When viewed over a well lit white surface, it is not too difficult to choose the negative with the best color and contrast. A slight increase in contrast is generally considered a plus. When done properly, it is difficult for the average person to tell the difference between the copy and the original when viewed from a normal distance.
